Volume I, Number 2

EXCERPTS FROM "DOMESTICAL DUTIES" ON THE DUTY OF HUSBANDS By William Gouge

Of an husband's entire affection to his wife

An husband's affection to his wife must be answerable to his opinion of her: he ought therefore to delight in his wife entirely, that is, so to delight in her as wholly and only delighting in her. In this respect the Prophet's wife is called the "desire" (Ez.24:16), or delight, or pleasure of his eyes: that wherein he most of all delighted, and therefore by a propriety so called. Such delight did Isaac take in his wife as it drove out a contrary strong passion, namely the grief which he took for the departure of his mother: for it is noted that "he loved her, and was comforted after his mother's death." (Gen.24:67)

This kind of affection Solomon doth elegantly set forth in these words, "Rejoice with the wife of thy youth: Let her be as the loving Hind, and pleasant Roe, and be thou ravished always with her love." (Prov.5:18&19) Here note both the metaphors,also ravished always with her love." (Prov. 5:18&19) Here note the metaphors, and also the hyperbole which are used to set forth an husband's delight in his wife. In the metaphors again note both the creatures whereunto a wife is resembled, and also the attributes given to them. The creatures are two, an Hind and a Roe, which are the females of an Hart and a Roe-Buck: now it is noted of the Hart and Roe-Buck, that of all other beasts they are most enamored (as I may so speak) with their mates, and even mad again in their heat and desire after them.

These metaphors hath Solomon used to set forth that unfained and earnest, entire and ardent affection which an husband ought to bear unto his wife: which being taken in a good sense, and rightly applied, so as they exceed not the bounds of Christian modesty and decency, are very fit, and pertinent to the purpose: if we stretch them beyond modesty, we wrong the pen-man of them, or rather the Holy Ghost that directed him, and propound a pernicious pattern unto husbands.

The attributes given to the forenamed creatures much amplify the point: the former is termed a "loving" Hind, the latter a "pleasant" Doe, word for word "an Hind of Loves, a Roe of favor," that is, exceedingly loved and favored: for to set forth the extent of God's love unto his Son, Christ is called the "son of his love". (Col.1:13)

These comparisons applied to a wife, do lively set forth that delight which an husband ought to take in her, and yet is it much further amplified by the hyperbole used in this phrase, "be thou ravished with her love," word, for word, "err thou in her love," by which no sinful error, or dotage is meant, but a lawful earnest affection: implying two things especially: First so far to exceed, as to make a man overlook some such blemishes in his wife, as others would soon espy and mislike; or else to count them no blemishes, delighting in her never a whit the less for them. For example, if a man has a wife, not very beautiful, or proper, but having some deformity in her body, some imperfection in her speech, sight, gesture, or any part of her body, yet so to affect her, and delight in her, as if she were the fairest, and in every way most complete woman in the world. Secondly, so highly to esteem, so ardently to affect, so tenderly to respect her, as others may think him even to doat on her. An husbands affection to his wife cannot be too great if it kept within bounds of honesty, sobriety and comeliness. The wife's affection ought to be great to her husband, yet because of the husbands place of authority, he must especially take all occasions to manifest this his inward affection. Read the Song of Songs, and in it you shall observe such affection manifested by Christ to his Spouse, as would make one think he did (with reverence in an holy manner to use the phrase) even err in his love and doat on her. A good pattern and precedent for husbands. For nothing is more lovely than a good wife.

Of an husband's amiable countenance towards his wife

An husband's carriage towards his wife must be answerable to his speech, or else all the mildness thereof will seem but complemental. A man's carriage compriseth under it, his Countenance, Gesture, Actions: in all which must mildness be seated.

1. His countenance in his wife's presence, and towards his wife, must be composed to an amiable pleasantness. His authority over her, and eminency above her, may not make him forget the near conjunction and union betwixt them.

Under the face and countenance I comprise head, brow, eyes, lips and such other parts which are, according as they are framed, signs of amiableness, or discontentment. Now among, and above other parts of the body, the outward composition of the countenance doth soonest and best declare the inward disposition of the heart. By Esau's pleasant countenance Jacob perceived that he was pacified in his heart towards him, and thereupon said, "I have seen thy face as though I had seen the face of God" (Gen.33:10), that is, an amiable, gracious countenance. On this ground David desired God, "to lift up the light of his countenance upon him"(Ps.4:6), that thereby he might know the favor and love of God towards him. On the other side by a frowning and lowering face, by hanging down the head, putting out the lips, with the like anger, malice, grief, with other like affections of heart, are manifested: by Cain's casting down of his countenance God discerned anger and envy to be in his heart (Gen.4:6): by Laban's countenance Jacob observed that his affection was turned from him (Gen.31:2). A wife then beholding mildness and amiableness in her husbands face, beholds it as the face of God, and therein as in a looking glass beholds the kindness and love of his heart, and to have her heart thereby the more firmly knit unto him, and is moved the more to respect him.

Of an husband's providing means of spiritual edification for his wife

In this provident care which an husband ought to have of his wife, we will consider the extent and continuance thereof. It ought to extend both to herself and to others. In regard of herself, to her soul and body.

For her soul, means of spiritual edification must be provided, and those both private and public. Private means, are holy and religious exercises in the house, as reading the Word, prayer, catechizing, and such like; which being the spiritual food of the soul are to be everyday, as our bodily food, provided and used. An husband as a master of a family must provide these for the good of his whole house; but as an husband, in special for the good of his wife: for to his wife, as well as to the whole house he is a King, a Priest, and a Prophet.

Public means are the holy ordinances of God publicly performed by God's Minister. The care of an husband for his wife in this respect is, so to order his habitation, and provide other needful things, as his wife may be made partaker thereof. It is expressly noted of Elkanah that he so provided for his wives, that they went with him every year to the house of God (1 Sam.1:7&2:19): the like is intimated of Joseph the husband of the virgin Mary (Luke 2:41). In those days there was a public place and house of God, whither all God's people (how far soever they dwelt from it) were to resort every year: the places where Elkanah and Joseph dwelt, were far remote from the house of God, yet they so provided, as not only themselves, but their wives also went to the public worship of God. Now there are many houses of God, places for public worship of God, but yet through the corruption of our times, the ministry of the Word (the most principle means of spiritual edification) is not everywhere to be enjoyed: therefore such ought an husband's care for his wife in this respect to be, as to dwell where she may have the benefit of the preached Word, or else so to provide for her, as she may weekly go where it may be had.

If men of wisdom and ability make a purchase, or build a house for their habitation, they will be sure it shall be where sweet rivers and waters are, and good pasture ground, and where all needful provision may be had. God's Word preached is a spring of water of life; the place where it is preached a pleasant, profitable pasture; all needful provision for the soul may there be had. Let this therefore be most of all inquired after: and no habitation settled but where this may be had.

EXCERPTS FROM "DOMESTICAL DUTIES" ON THE DUTY OF WIVES By William Gouge

Of a wife's inward fear of her husband

Hitherto of the wife's acknowledgment of her husband's superiority. It followeth to speak of that answerable respect which she ought to bear towards him.

A wife-like respect of her husband consisteth in two points: 1. Reverence 2. Obedience

The reverence which she oweth him is: 1. Inward 2. Outward

Inward reverence is an awful respect which a wife in her heart hath of her husband, esteeming him worthy of all honor for his place, and office sake, because he is her husband. Doubtless Sarah had in her heart a reverent respect and honorable esteem of her husband, when being alone, and thinking of him in her very thought she gave him this title Lord (Gen.18:12). This inward reverence the Scripture compriseth under this word Fear: as where our Apostle saith, "Let the wife see that she fear her husband," (Eph.5:33) and where Saint Peter exhorteth wives to have their conversation "in fear." (1 Pet.3:2) It is no slavish fear of her husband which ought to possess the heart of a wife, dreading blows, frowns, spiteful words, or the like; but such an awful respect of him as maketh her (to use the Apostle's word) "care how she may please him." (1Cor.7:34) This wife-like fear is manifested by two effects: one is joy, when she giveth contentment to her husband, and observeth him to be pleased with that which she doth: the other is grief, when he is justly offended and grieved, especially with anything that she herself hath done.

Unless this inward reverence and due respect of an husband be first place in the heart of a wife, either no outward reverence and obedience will be performed at all, or if it be performed, it will be very unsound, only in show, hypocritical and deceitful: so that as good never a whit as never the better. For according to ones inward affection and disposition will the outward action and conversation be framed. Michal first despised David in her heart (2 Sam.6:16), and thence it followed that she uttered most unreverend and vile speeches of him (v.20), even to his face. Wherefore after the judgment of a wife is rightly informed of an husband's superiority, and her will persuaded to account her own husband her head and guide, it is very needful that her heart and affection be accordingly seasoned with the salt of good respect, and high esteem, which breedeth fear: and that thus her heart may be seasoned, she ought oft and seriously to meditate of his place and office, and of that honor which the Lord by virtue thereof hath planted in him. And if he have gifts worthy his place, as knowledge, wisdom, piety, temperance, love, and the like, she ought to take notice thereof, and to think him worthy of double honor.

Of a wife's active Obedience

It is a good proof and trial of a wife's obedience, to abstain from doing such things as otherwise she would do, if her husband's contrary will did not restrain her: but yet that is not sufficient, there must be an active, as well as a passive obedience yielded. That old Law before mentioned, ("thy desire shall be subject to thine husband, and he shall rule over thee" - Gen.3:16) implieth so much also, If she refuse to do what he would have her to do, her desire is not subject to him, but to herself, neither doth he rule over her.

This active part of her obedience hath respect: 1. To his commandments, readily to do what he lawfully commands. 2. To his reproofs, carefully to redress what he justly blameth.

For the first, so far ought a wife to be from thinking scorn to be commanded by her husband, that the very knowledge which by any means she hath of her husbands mind and will, ought to have the force of a straight commandment with her. This readiness to obey is commended in the wives of Jacob, to whom when Jacob had declared what motives he had to depart from their father's house, intimating thereby that he meant to depart, and would have them to go with him, yet before he particularly expressed his will, they readily answered, "Whatsoever God hath said unto thee, do." (Gen. 31:16) Whereby they gave him to understand that they were ready to yield unto whatsoever he would have done.

Of a wife's contentment with her husband's present estate

Contentment is also a part of obedience: it hath respect to a man's outward estate and ability, in and with which a wife must rest satisfied and contented, whether it be high or low, great or mean, wealthy or needy, above, equal, or under that estate wherein she was before marriage: yea though a man have been sometimes great in estate, yet, if he decay therein, and be brought to a mean estate, she ought to rest content. This much Job implieth in his reply to his wife, saying, "Shall we receive good at the hand of God, and not receive evil?" (Job 2:10) The evil he speaketh of was the loss of his goods, servants, and children, together with other miseries that Satan through God's permission inflicted upon him: the receiving of evil which he speaketh of was a resting content with it, and a patient bearing of it. Evil may be laid on any, and so they are forced to bear it: but they only receive it, who are content with it. Now in that he uses the plural (We) and speaking to his wife (shall not we receive evil) he showeth that his wife ought as well as he to have rested content in that poor and miserable estate: For:

1. Man and his wife being one flesh, by virtue of their matrimonial union, both his advancement, and also his abatement is hers: as she riseth with him, so she falleth with him. Wherefore as she is willing to be advanced with him, so she must be content to be abased with him.

2. If at the time of marriage her husband was of meaner estate then she, she voluntarily put herself into the mean estate: for a wife taketh her husband (as he her) for better for worse, for richer for poorer. And shall not she be content with her own act? If after marriage his estate decay, and wax meaner than it was, she is to be persuaded that by God it was so ordered, and that God aimed at her humiliation as well as his: and thereupon she ought in her dutiful submission to God's over-ruling providence to be patient and content: this Job implieth under this phrase, "Shall we not receive evil at the hand of God?" and under this, "The Lord taketh away."

3. A wife's contentment is a great ease to her husband lying under a cross: and it maketh the burden seem much lighter than otherwise it would, if at least he be a kind husband, and affected with his wife's passion, as he ought to be. For a loving husband in every distress is more perplexed for his wife, than for himself.

Of a wife's cheerfulness in every duty

Cheerfulness is more apparent than sincerity, and maketh subjection the more pleasing not only to God, but also to man, who by the effects thereof may easily discern it.

For God, as he doth himself all things willingly and cheerfully, so he expecteth that his children should therein follow him, and thereby show themselves his children. "God loveth a cheerful giver," (2 Cor. 9:7) not only a cheerful giver of alms, but of all duty to God and man.

For men, it maketh them accept much better any duty when they observe it to be done cheerfully: this did even ravish David with joy, to see his people offer their gifts "willingly unto the Lord." (1 Chron.29:9): when an husband seeth his wife willingly and cheerfully perform her duty, it cannot but raise up love in him. This cheerfulness is manifested by a ready, quick, and speedy performance of her duty. Sarah's readiness to obey showed that what she did, she did willingly.

That thus the Church subjecteth herself to Christ is evident by that which David saith, "They shall be willing in the day of thy power" (Ps. 110:3). Therefore as the Church is cheerfully subject unto Christ, so let wives be to their husbands.